There are times when I cannot sleep. Perhaps it is just that I have such a fucked up schedule. Maybe I am really enthralled in something, like Wikipedia articles. Or perhaps I am just depressed, or manic, or a mix of the two. I use to joke that the only people who need blogs are those who are young and depressed and wanted to describe their day and how horrible it is, and how pissed off they are at the system (even if they are living rather well). Sorry, but I’m not into analyzing what I feel right now.
It is rare that I express emotion. If I do, it is rage and anger, mostly out of fear or spite. It is rare that I sit down and see what is around me and understand how beautiful it all is. It is rare that I sit down and realize that nothing will give me back the last 18 years of my life.
On September 11, 2001, I had just left my freshman gym class. In the Field house lobby the TV was on and a student in my grade said: “A plane hit the World Trade Center.” I was like “OK, That happened with a B2 Bomber after World War II in the Empire State Building.” When I looked up to the pieces of the building falling, I couldn’t shake the idea. I am an idiot, a self gratifying looser, and of course the first thing I did was try to tell everyone that I knew what was going on. Yet after awhile, I stopped caring about if others found out from me. My study hall teacher took out her cell phone and apologised to the study hall. She said that she knew cell phones were not allowed and was sorry but her son worked near the World Trade Center. Every day I feel like going to her and saying: “You had no reason to apologise to us” I went home and found that my mother was sitting in front of the TV watching the coverage. She said that she was told not to go to work because there was a truck parked underneath a building downtown and her workplace is near there. She told me that the Elementary Schools were on full lockdown and nothing about it was to be told to the students. She told me the Middle Schoolers were being told about it but they were not allowed to leave school except with parents (which they were discouraging, if I remember correctly). So there I sat, watching into the night, as my childhood hero (I’m such a nerd) Tom Brokaw looked flushed late into the night. The pictures of the planes hitting into the buildings was played over and over again, and I never quite realized that there were people that were instantaneously killed in that very moment. Over and over again, the pictures played while the rescue efforts were beginning to get underway. I don’t remember what time I stayed up to that night, I don’t really care. The next day I seem to remember staying home from school.
Reflecting on that day is not hard for me, but it seems every time I do I think of something new, something I had not noticed before. Tonight that didn’t happen. I was looking for The Daily Show on Wikipedia and found part of the article detailing the video “Are You OK?” I was intrigued, as it said it was the first thing Jon Stewart said his show started again. I remember watching Conan O’Brian’s post 9/11 speech, and expected similar. But I also knew that Jon Stewart, who seems to be the most relivant thing in my news life nowadays, probably had something more to say. I watched the video and read the transcript of that monologue and decided this would be the right time to enter something here. I would like to include an excerpt from that monologue that I think was especially powerful.
You know, all this talk about “These guys are criminal masterminds. They’ve gotten together and their extraordinary guile…and their wit and their skill.” It’s a lie. Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters, these policemen and people from all over the country, literally, with buckets rebuilding. That’s extraordinary. That’s why we’ve already won. It’s light. It’s democracy. We’ve already won.
Good night.
